Do you mean it? As a kid and even as an adult that was always something we would ask someone when they apologized. If they meant they were sorry, then there felt like there could be some forgiveness and life could move on. As adults what tends to...

Do you mean it? As a kid and even as an adult that was always something we would ask someone when they apologized. If they meant they were sorry, then there felt like there could be some forgiveness and life could move on. As adults what tends to happen is we catch ourselves apologizing more and more, this time not because we hit someone on the playground, but because we feel insecure or inadequate. At one point or another in our lives we have all went into a conversation with I’m sorry on the tip of our tongues. This isn’t abnormal, but it could become a problem especially if we are apologizing for the way we feel, or for a valid request. We begin to signal to ourselves that we are less than or not equal to the party we are speaking with and in order to please them, we should immediately apologize regardless of the request.    Taking the time to analyze the importance of where the insecurity and fear is coming from can be an important step to actualizing our feelings and questions. Take the time to recognize if we are apologizing, because we internally truly feel guilty for an action or behavior or if the apology is prompted because we believe that it will somehow put us in the good graces of an external force. If you notice that before you have even opened your mouth you are already filling in conversation with “I’m sorry,” slow down for a second and catch your breath. You are correct in your feelings, questions, and concerns. The only reason you should apologize is if you truly mean it.    Your words have meaning, and the minute that we begin throwing I’m sorry around willy nilly it can dilute the value of asking for forgiveness. As the receiver or apologies it’s important to look at yourself as well and the environment in which others feel they need to apologize around you. Let them know, early and often that they are an important individual with unique feelings and needs, and they shouldn’t immediately look to apologize when they have done nothing wrong. By creating meaning in our words and our environments, we can feel safe, that our needs and concerns are valid and nothing to apologize for.

Stop Apologizing